John's Eulogy

 

Thank you for coming today to share in our remembrance of John. I am so amazed, grateful, humbled, and literally astounded at the outpouring of love and support for this boy of few words. I think John probably averaged about 50 spoken words a day. And he had a way of speaking sideways through his teeth. I always teased him and asked if he was training to be a ventriloquist…and he would flash that million dollar grin and say, “maybe.” But it appears John did not need words to convey what so many people needed to hear. His smile was a universal language and as powerful as any lengthy and well written oration. I think the reason his smile reached so many, is because it was genuine and it made everyone feel special. He didn’t have to know you, he just looked at you and he smiled, and for that moment you mattered and were acknowledged by someone. That is a rare feeling in this technological, fast-paced culture we live in today. That is why I think so many people loved John and had a special place for him. Because he took the time to connect his humanity with theirs through a smile. John was not perfect, he was a good boy, he was a kind and gentle spirit, he was creative and clever, he was a prankster, and he was proof that there is a Creator in Heaven who orders our days and has a purpose for each of us.

I believe God is good, I believe God is love, I believe God is a God of details. I believe there is a reason for everything, that nothing is a coincidence or random. I believe that our whole life’s purpose is none other than to bring glory to God while living our everyday lives. I believe this now more than ever as I think about my son and our life together…..our beginning, middle, and end. I believe we live in a fallen world and there is pain and suffering. I believe Ecclesiastes which says, “there is a season for everything. A time to be born and a time to die, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” I believe, Psalm 37:4 which says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” And finally, I believe Job 13:15 which says, “Though He slay me, yet I will trust in Him.” I don’t’ always have to understand or even like how my Creator orders, and arranges His purposes and plans in my life, but I do marvel at how clear the picture of those purposes present themselves in hindsight, so much of the time. I don’t know why pain is associated with God’s magnificent power to orchestrate and work all things together for the good to those that love him, just as Romans 8:28 tells us…..But I believe He does, for I have no other choice. I have lived it first hand and I have seen the Hand of God move in so many ways in our life with John. Every stray detail, that on its own, seems meaningless or trivial, when carefully examined, becomes a thread in a magnificent tapestry.

I have been doing a lot of reminiscing and memories are flooding my mind. I

catch my breath only to find myself winded by another barrage of memories….and so it goes with grief. I am grieving. My little boy is gone. This is the same boy who I began searching for in October of 1998. Through a miraculous series of events, we were able to bring our son home from Guatemala in 2004. God has been so faithful to me throughout my entire life, during the darkest valleys and the brightest mountain tops, but it is the details of our adoption story that have been one of the strongest anchors of my faith in Him, and that faith has led to a trust that all of His plans have purpose and are good….maybe not in my limited view, but certainly in His omnipotent vision. Yes our life with John has been evidence that God is good, God is love, God gives us the desire of our hearts, and God slays us….but we must trust. His plans are higher, His plans are greater, His plans are eternal.             

We’ve had some wonderful times with John, we’ve had some trying times with John, we loved John, and now he is gone. I refuse to accept that this is anything other than ordained, because I have seen God work. I have witnessed His miraculous ordering of details and timing, so that beauty rises from pain and ashes. I witnessed a plan that was to usher my boy’s life from this one into his eternal life. He was bike riding and was 95 miles into a 100 mile tour. He was almost home. But there were seemingly random events that directed his course. Some of those we know: he stopped for lunch, he stopped for a water break, he texted a friend, it started to rain….and many more that we will never know. But each of those things rippled time and so it turns out that if John had only stopped one more time, or did not stop one of those times, if the driver had dropped his keys while getting into the car, or if he would have crested the hill 30 seconds later, or any number of things, we might not be in this place today.

Yet we are in this place today and it is in this situation that I hear the promises of Jesus in John 14:1-4, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. In my Father’s house there are many rooms. If this were not so, I would not have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. I remember Philippians 1:6 which says, “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” And I have peace here today, because I know in my heart that John understood and believed Jesus’ promises as well. It was only two years ago that I asked him to write his statement of faith and his life verse and he chose Revelation 22:12, in which Jesus says, “Look, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to each person according to what they have done."

 

We are here today to celebrate the gift of God’s promises and plans. In Psalm 139:13 we read, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.” So when He knit John in his mother’s womb, He ordained 18 years and He allowed John to be our son for almost 13. Within those years we lived and loved, and he grew to know his Savior Jesus. And because of God's love, John, who was once a small boy with no home or family, is now a young man with a family....of thousands! Some are known, some are unknown to him, and he completed his destined time, surrounded by the love of those thousands, now and also for eternity. While this situation is beyond terrible, the thought that John completing his ordained time in a life without the love of a family or a Savior is even more heart-wrenching. Either way, there is a culmination of days. In light of this perspective, I see not a horrible and unfair, unplanned, chaotic accident, but I see a carefully woven plan for a boy and a family who both needed each other to love. I believe God is sovereign, I believe God is love, I believe God is good all the time. I see beauty from pain and ashes.

I have gratitude for all the things God allowed us to witness before he took our
boy home. I saw how He orchestrated John’s medical team into an amazing machine of care and compassion. I saw how God mobilized thousands of people to pray for John. I saw how He had lined up situations over the past 9 months, so that everything is now in place regarding the payment of his treatment. I remember how many times I nagged John to workout, run his miles, build his strength, so that he could compete in his triathlons in top condition, only to realize that his strong heart I saw beating out of his chest, in that hospital bed, was carrying him through his most difficult race to his finish line….for it seems after all, that Jesus was coming soon for John, just as his life verse attests.

I’m grateful that while we never got to hold John as a baby, and we will never see him marry or have a family of his own, God did give us a glimpse of the fine man he was becoming. In the last year, he got a job, took a college class while finishing his junior year in high school, got his driver’s license, and had his first date. We even got a glimpse of the kind of father he might have been, as he helped me while I cared for a newborn for a few months last fall.

He was a natural with children and animals. Some of his best friends are little children who felt the love and compassion he gave them, just by taking the time to acknowledge they existed. To listen to their stories or play a game of tag or go fishing, whatever they wanted. As far as animals, I was convinced John was enchanted…another Dr Doolittle. I actually watched a grasshopper molt in his 8 year old little hand. I will miss hearing him say, “Mom, stop the car there is a turtle.” I will miss the gleam in his eye when bringing another turtle home to care for. I will miss our taco runs to Jack in the Box, where his goal was to shock me with his gluttony. Last count was 15 tacos in one sitting. John was a gentle and kind spirited fellow and everyone sensed that about him. He was adept at performing small acts of kindness. He was not perfect, but he was good. He was not gregarious or a people pleaser, but he was genuine and he was love.

Perhaps the lesson we can learn from this boy’s short life is this: God has a plan and His plan involves loving people where they are. Not judging, not fixing, not changing…that is His job. Our job is to see the people that cross our paths for who they are, God’s special children. Children He loved enough to make a way for them to be reconciled through the death and resurrection of His Son Jesus Christ. If He values people that much, then shouldn’t we be able to offer a smile and share a moment. Because it’s is through the simple act of a heartfelt smile that you have shown someone that they are worthy of attention, they matter, and they have importance…and just maybe your smile could be a flicker of the love of Christ. A flicker that could produce a flame to warm a lonely heart; or begin the healing of a deep seated pain; or just enough to introduce Christ to a searching soul.

Today I know my son is in the presence of the Almighty Creator of the Universe, when less than a week ago, his broken body and swollen brain lay in a hospital bed with a bleak and dismal future. God’s ways are not my ways, but I believe God is good all the time. And because of the saving grace of Jesus Christ I have peace, hope, and joy for when it’s my turn to go Home, John will be waiting for me, with his warm and enchanting smile and open arms, along with my Savior and Heavenly Father. Yes God’s plan always brings beauty from pain and ashes.