Message in a Bottle

internet photo

It seems, lately, that I have many people in my circle of life who are struggling with dire illness and personal turmoil. I have so much I want to say to them and I want to say to those who are struggling right along with them, as caretakers and friends. What I'm sharing began as a letter to one dear friend, in particular, but as I was writing I felt like others could read it and hopefully benefit from it as well....because I think the struggle is universal. As a person who is living the trial, they need to hear these words of love and affirmation and as the person who is caretaking, they too may find some reconciliation with the pain and suffering and the redemption that comes later, as they are witnessing and experiencing right along with their loved one. So, I give you my Message in a bottle.....

I just wanted to write you because I wanted you to know that sharing this journey called life and all of its ups and downs, as your friend, is one of the greatest privileges I have. I don't want that to come off like I'm some do-gooder or frankly, some holier-than-thou-saint, because I am surely neither, but I am sincere. You and I have experienced traumatic pain and loss and familial dysfunction early in life. We have had ill parents and had to grow up and face the realities that many, many people never come to realize. It's very painful, and feels unfair when looking around at other's and their circumstances. But as I grow older, I actually thank God for the gift that He gave me through those trials. I think that it makes the preciousness of life abundantly clear, and by experiencing difficulty, loss, and pain at a young age, we can have empathy for others who are going through their own trials. We can rise above our own pain and reach out to others. We can heal our wounds by healing the wounds of others.

Let's face it, this life is hell. There was never a promise anywhere in the Bible, after sin in the Garden of Eden, that would suggest anything different. In fact, Jesus very pointedly tells his disciples (us included, as we are just that in this present age) that life here is and will be miserable, especially the deeper our faith grows and the more we share His love, because we have an enemy that wants to discourage. And the more time I spend in the Bible, the older I get, the more life I live, I have come to realize that the great things in this life, those that the world would say are the sole reason for a fulfilled life are an illusion. Yes, there is fun to be had, and we should enjoy all the blessings we have, the money we can spend, etc. But the money, the fun, the material possession are not fulfillment and if you are honest you recognize that. From a worldly perspective, the fun is in the pursuit, but after you obtain something, its luster fades, rather quickly. Real fulfillment and real treasure is the love we can share, the time we can give to someone else, in happiness or sadness, trial or triumph, pain and suffering. That is real, that is life, that is what Jesus was trying to convey and has been trying to convey...and I think being a mother has driven that home...it's what we do naturally, on a daily basis, with our children.

There is no other way to find true fulfillment other than giving sacrificial love, and certainly as a Christian it is not about living a life checking boxes: church - check, Sunday school - check, private education - check, mission trips - check, charity work - check, tithing 10% - check, all the while stepping over and on others, especially in their time of need, because they are inconvenient to the checklist and not part of your plan. THEY are the checklist, THEY are our purpose in this life....to share Christ's unconditional love and unconstrained time in daily life. It's a paradox because through freely offering our time and love we receive more time and love. It's like the miracle story of the loaves and fishes..it sounds cliche' but its true, and I have been fortunate enough to have seen and felt it with my own eyes and heart on many occasions. Just yesterday after leaving you, I had more time than ever to get what I needed done and I felt more love than ever spending those few hours with you. I didn't want to be anywhere else, and I want to thank you for letting me spend that time with you. I know that on your side, it may feel like you are burdening others or making others feel uncomfortable, but you aren't. Let people in, let people love you, it's the greatest gift you can give them.

Although it's not what you would have designed or how you would want, you must believe that you are blessing your children with this trial. It doesn't feel like it, but you are passing along so many tangible lessons...empathy, the value of encouragement, of caring for another, of love, and the realization that time needs to be shared because it is so precious. Even the negative feelings of questioning, frustration, and anger are gifts, because they make you search for something bigger than yourself. They make you question God...the same God who dares you to question Him. He wants you to seek after Him, to hand off your life to Him, for that is when He can show you His power, His grace, His mercy. And when people have it all together, He is the last thing they seek. So yes even this horrible thing can be a gift...just point your children toward God and let Him, through the Holy Spirit, work. They are teenagers and teenagers are by nature struggling with coming to terms with adulthood while still having childish feelings, they can be angry and confused, and these hard life situations are the perfect place to lead by example.

Your bravery is a shining example of hope...your bravery shows when you carry your burden with a stiff upper lip, and it shines when you are curled up in a ball in complete panic and heartbreak. Bravery is not avoiding the difficult and terrifying, bravery is assessing, accepting, and addressing head-on that in which you are facing. And you are equipping them to deal with the realness, the mess, that is this life...you are helping them grow up. You are giving them a greater education than anything any school or university can provide. You are showing them that life is wild and uncontrollable...that they are not the author of life, but they have a Creator who loves them and a Savior who saved them from this seemingly futile existence. And while life will be unfair, unintelligible sometimes, there is always peace to have when we realize where the peace comes from. And the real pursuit in this life should be not be the pursuit of money, prestige, and possessions, but of love, time, and relationships...the most important of those relationships being with Jesus.

This life is but a vapor...I guarantee that even a 90 year old person in pristine health would agree with me...it goes fast, it fades, it withers, but the knowledge of our Savior and the recognition that our whole reason for being is to bring glory to Him by sharing His love with others, does not fade and is what is everlasting. This life is a vapor, but we who are in Him will live eternally together with Him after the mist. How awesome is that...one day we will spend time together without anxiety and worry...but living a life as God originally created it, in pure harmony and peace (maybe even singing Kum by ya :) ) and never again feeling heartache, anxiety, guilt, frustration and above all the loneliness that we feel in this mist. The fog will be lifted and we will be singing in the sun, my friend, in the presence of our Savior, and for that I cannot wait!

I love you more than you know and I am so thankful that God brought us together all those years ago. Keep me in the loop of your struggle, don't shut me out for fear of being a burden, or because in the process of living life a lot of time has lapsed, share your life, it's a beautiful thing.